(via rwtfdrake)
Faster.
Happy.
Terrified.
Hopeful.
Doubtful.
Intrigued.
Excited.
Aroused.
Anxious.
Content.
“Do I have nothing good left to say?”
My mind is constantly battling itself. I am not one to regret, but each day gets harder where I’m at. I wonder if I made the right decision. I wonder if staying would have been better. Although, I wasn’t happy there either. I wish I knew what it would take to make me happy…or at least happier than I am right now.
It seems as if I’ve doubted every dream I’ve ever had. I doubt my ability to accomplish any long term goals. I have many dreams, but that’s all they’ve ever been. I can’t even get upset about it when I need to the most and that bothers me even more. I hold everything inside until my body starts malfunctioning. My head and my heart have stopped talking.
I need a way out. I know it won’t be easy and that scares me more than anything. I am more afraid of failure than I’d realized. So much that it continues to hold me back from accomplishing anything worth while. It is a very defeating feeling. I don’t want to be defeated by my own self doubt because it will be the death of me.
A Hard Day’s Night
Prior to beginning this entry, I fully intended on using it to vent about how shitty things have been. But the thought of “someone has it worse” keeps popping into my head. I know this and I’ve known this, but I’ve chosen to ignore it. Why? Because I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to marinate in my own anger for no good reason.
I am where I am, I feel how I feel, I do what I do because I choose to. No one has ever held a gun to my head and told me how to live my life. Sure I’ve had plenty of assistance from family, friends, etc. along the way but my life is my choice. I’d be a fool to blame others for my problems. Instead, I am trying to hold myself accountable. When I come across an obstacle, I try to spend more time finding a solution than dwelling on the problem.
Think of how much time we spend stirring about life’s problems and how much energy it takes us…not to mention the negative impact it can have on our peers . Now think about how much energy it takes when focusing on all of the good things in our lives. Not only does a positive attitude boost your morale, but it could also do the same for others.
My point is this-Don’t take things for granted! Going on and on about trivial things will get you nowhere. The more you obsess about little bumps in the road, the longer it will take you to achieve true happiness. I’m not saying you should never talk about your problems, we all need to vent sometimes. I’m just suggesting you spend more time appreciating all that life has offered you thus far. You’ll be amazed! <3
Dear 2010,
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I thought you were pretty cool. You pissed me off a few times but you were nothing like 2009, who by the way was a total a-hole. But anyway, thanks for being rad.
Yours affectionately,
Danielle
